A Shared Life in Progress
Every thought of you makes me want to dig deep into the poetry that saved
me I pull Kenneth Koch, Frank O’Hara, and John Ashbury from my shelf
Hoping their lines that enriched and enchanted me
Will help me capture and preserve my moments with you
The occasions that now give my life shape and meaning and purpose
When I first discovered the New York School of Poets
The atmosphere around me became crisp and fresh
Their conversational nature and the simple events
Captured in their poems was to me a feeling not unlike
The passions, impulses, and inner visions that flow through our veins
Poetry was no longer an abstract notion
Defined by cliches like “economy of words”
And not confined by conventions of rhyme and iambs
But rather a way of immortalizing the human connections
That shape our lives moment by moment day by day
Our two hearts begin to fuse into one
As they attract each other like magnetic poles
I don’t know how our poem will end
We look at our partner seeking not only what to give
But also to discover what we are searching for in ourselves
We sit across from each other in a booth at the diner
Our legs touch as you read the menu intently
When your order arrives, you know it is more than you can eat
Your meals usually are but I like watching you enjoy your food
Much of which you will later pack into take-out containers
I want this poem to be the best I have ever written
A few of my poems I think have been pretty good
Not great maybe, but enough to have captured a memory or two
In this one I want to preserve every experience
I have had with you Like a captain’s log in a craft bound for unknown galaxies
When I am with you the tiniest things become the most meaningful Like the time
you quietly approached me as I dozed in the night And covered me gently with
your warm, soft sweater in the chill Or the little chocolate you leaned up against
my water cup when I left the room Plus the ice tray I keep in my freezer for you
and the drawer I cleared in my closet
The intimacies like eating ice cream from the same spoon
And learning that hide and seek is more than a childhood memory
The pleasant pain showing male nipples can be as sensuous as women’s You
saying, “You’re slow” as I looked into your eyes wondering what you wanted
And when you felt you could have exploded as we embraced
And coed peeing in the family restroom at Target
My hand is on your hand as we travel the parkway
I never want to let go but the exit ramp nears
In the middle of the night, I watch you sleep
Your chest rising and falling and I long to taste you lips and tongue
The first time you said, “I love you too,” with no pause
My heart was yours and yours alone
When I see a couple walking hand in hand, I long for it to be
us Wearing our inexpensive commitment rings from Amazon
I look at your skin and see a color warm like no other and I smile I think of
the night you said you could have had your feet massaged forever I hate
that you smoke but accept that it soothes you for now
And watch as you return the mostly intact butt into the pack
When the text messages sent outnumber those received
I learn from you not to let passion breed pressure
How living in the moment is a cliché for a positive reason
And of how a future can only be built one day at a time
By accepting your pace and needs one lovely moment at a time And that the
melancholia of being away from you proves the desire is authentic
The things you are not happy about in yourself
Do nothing to detract from your beauty and allure
What you perceive as imperfections are but challenges
As I beg you to forgo the filters and send selfies of the authentic you
My striving to understand you makes me learn about myself
And even when we are far apart it feels like we are skin to skin
I think of the pain and uncertainty other have inflicted on us
The depths of our lowest moments
And how we share the agony of having loathed ourselves
How trust and respect are hard to regain once they have been taken from us
We need to accept that we deserve to receive the good we give others and
Believe that our spirituality is the path God has created for us to travel
Lou Orfanella is the author of more than twenty books and chapbooks of poetry, fiction, nonfiction, and drama including most recently Single A Serenade: A Novel, Unexpected Guests: Poems That Arrived Without Warning, The Fundamental Things Apply: A Novella, and New York Dispatches: New and Selected Stories. He has published over 100 articles, essays, columns, reviews, and poems in numerous regional and national magazines, newspapers, and journals including The New York Daily News, College Bound, English Journal, World Hunger Year Magazine, Discoveries, Teacher Magazine, and New York Teacher. He holds degrees from Columbia University and Fordham University.