a shattered riddle of veined promises
like a thousand rivers and roads
on a map that didn’t dare
show its true topography

no promontories on which to stand
no scenic views of this ravaged land—love
unanswered never commanded reality

nothing to dream of once all the magicked
airships crashed and each balloon
from every circus pre-popped
all the fairy tales stopped

my chest emptied of breath
from an unending sucker punch
so nothing—not even death—
scared me til my own child
tore at my scars—love
rushed back in spilling
til my heartbanks swamped
no longer willing to hide
or abide alone yet terrified
I white-knuckled parenting
as a rollercoaster of fear
it took years to learn to ride